A couple weeks ago around the Japanese earthquake/tsunami event, I went up to the Berkeley hills with some friends to chill out, make some music, and be fearless. I was in the craziest funk during that time. I was sitting on a rock, overlooking the bay, watching time pass right before my eyes. Instead of feeling empowered and alive, I just felt dead and empty. Everything looked so small. Well, we ARE small. We are such minute, delicate, and sometimes even insignificant creatures in comparison to the magnificent ocean crashing against our shores. I just kept asking myself, what am I doing? Why am I here? I could just die right now and it wouldn't make a big difference. I would just become another statistic.
I don't know, I was probably just being dramatic. I think I'm slowly getting out of this funk. I just have to keep telling myself that you're good, you're okay. I just have to keep convincing myself that I'm loving what I'm doing (which is true). I just have to keep deceiving myself into thinking that I am strong and that I have so much potential that I just haven't found/used yet.
I just wonder how far this deception will get me and how long it's going to last.
I can't rely on this.
No, I won't rely on this.
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